As I am sure most of us are, I have found myself thinking about my observation last week. While the lesson went better than my first, something that has been on my mind since then was a comment my field instructor made to my CT. She told her that she wished I could have more fun with my students and the lesson. First of all, I do not find being observed "fun", therefore it is hard to let loose and just be myself with my kids. Secondly, I do not find our curriculum to be fun at all. Any time I try to change something though, I get redirected to the curriculum by my CT. Thus I have spent many a night rewriting a lesson plan so that it will go along with the curriculum.
I am tired and frustrated. I keep hearing that this is my opportunity to explore and try new things, but it feels the opposite. I wish my CT would let me try some of my own ideas and if they fail then they fail. I will learn from those mistakes and adjust. As it is now though, I am not teaching my own lessons, I am teaching the curriculum. I am wondering if others are dealing with this as well, and if you are, how do you put some more of your own personality into the lessons?
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