Reflecting....

I feel like I have been nothing but a public teacher this quarter. Each lesson I have written or taught has been watched and/or evaluated by my cooperating teacher, my field instructor, or a professor. I have been even more public by blogging about my successes, my failings, my joys and my frustrations. I have shared articles or other blogs that have caused me to pause and think about the profession and have discussed with other cohort members issues that have them thinking as well.

I think that the best post that demonstrates my growth as a public teacher is the "Wall of Policy" post I made a few weeks back. I quoted a part of John Spencer's blog that really had me thinking about what we can do, as teachers, to combat a constant wall of bad policy, created by people who don't know teaching and don't know students. We talked a lot about this in class, but as student teaching comes closer and closer, it is suddenly becoming a more real issue to me. What can I do, as a student teacher and then as a first year teacher, to combat this wall of policy? I know it won't be much at first, but I also know that I cannot stand aside and wait to get my tenure before I make some changes.

Having more Fun

As I am sure most of us are, I have found myself thinking about my observation last week. While the lesson went better than my first, something that has been on my mind since then was a comment my field instructor made to my CT. She told her that she wished I could have more fun with my students and the lesson. First of all, I do not find being observed "fun", therefore it is hard to let loose and just be myself with my kids. Secondly, I do not find our curriculum to be fun at all. Any time I try to change something though, I get redirected to the curriculum by my CT. Thus I have spent many a night rewriting a lesson plan so that it will go along with the curriculum.

I am tired and frustrated. I keep hearing that this is my opportunity to explore and try new things, but it feels the opposite. I wish my CT would let me try some of my own ideas and if they fail then they fail. I will learn from those mistakes and adjust. As it is now though, I am not teaching my own lessons, I am teaching the curriculum. I am wondering if others are dealing with this as well, and if you are, how do you put some more of your own personality into the lessons?